i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize