Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
