You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
