i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
