I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
