yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize