you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
