I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ttyl tear gas
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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