Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
