:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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