She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
