last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My penis needs a shock collar
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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