as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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