I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
as a side note pls kill me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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