I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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