i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
