Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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