4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
