I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
