I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
