I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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