Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
