An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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