Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
