The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
