I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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