I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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