i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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