i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
