Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
