...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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