I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize