when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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