woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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