Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
