I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
