i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
