def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
