I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
