we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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