Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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