Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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