he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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