please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
