you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
