Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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