Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
