i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
