Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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