remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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