im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
