No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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