honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.