If i come over, it means nothing
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
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Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash