My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."