I'm going to jail i love you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to