I skipped work to stalk him.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid