Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
