i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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