Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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