Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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