I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
