You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
