he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
